I was just about to start crocheting when she decided to cuddle with me and sit in my lap. Ok, I guess I’ll take some kitty cuddles. 😻😸
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It’s hard to wake up from a dream almost every other night that includes him… It haunts me to see him in my dreams… It’s like I can choose to not see him but then when I dream, there are those memories….
And lately he’s just been on my mind. Thinking of how he’s doing, thinking of him randomly….that is hard to think of too…
I would much rather just erase all my memories, erase the thoughts I have of him, and be able to stop ever thinking of him at all….. Because, that would just be easier….
But you know what I’ve found? God has a plan for me even in this process… Every time I think of him or my memories I can try to handle it on my own or I can give those things, those thoughts to God…. This week I have tried to focus on constant prayer and communication with my Father so every time I think of someone, instead of trying to figure things out for myself, I just start praying for them instead… It’s SO MUCH BETTER. I wish I could even describe the freedom I have found in letting God take over my thoughts like this….
So to him, the one I still think about, I’m praying for you. Literally praying for you every time you come to my mind or every time I wake up from a dream with you in it… You are God’s, not mine, and God is healing me more and more the more I get to live out that truth….
Life. Is crazy, painful, weighted, and such a journey to peace and freedom, joy, and God’s presence.. It’s beautiful, life is, when we stay close to Him!
Take my thoughts today Lord. Take my dreams. They are yours and you can much better with them than I can…. 💙
What a selfish and arrogant being I am to ever think I’m too busy to talk to God… There’s not life outside of his presence-none at all. Then why go about my day every day without being in his presence? Yet I do it all the time…..
Maybe it has something to do with me getting caught up in the presence of the Lord when I am wrapped in music and in worshipping him through it… Maybe so. Because this week he has really called me out and I have felt the weight that I have on myself for not speaking to God enough or at all throughout my day. I haven’t stayed in that constant communication o know I am able to with him. He has been speaking to me to be quiet and still in him even if the world around me is moving 500 mph in my busy day…
He’s calling me to be with him and he’s calling me to focus on him and stop constantly being wrapped up in everything else 24/7… He’s good, and he knows I know he’s good, so ow he wants me to ask him things throughout the day. He wants me to converse with him and not just my own self… He wants me to get outside of just knowing about his goodness and he wants me to constantly experience it as well….. Because he is that good-that he won’t give up or leave me at all and he won’t stop loving me the same. He wants me to know him, know his love… He will not relent. He is not satisfied or pleased with a piece of my heart. He wants all of it. All of the time. The chaos of the world will continue on and run after my attention and affection too… But what does it bring me but pain and worry and stress and exhaustion?! I much more want to spend my time and my thoughts and love invested in my Father who never leaves me void. Never has he and never will he….
Random doodle… Then I looked up some analysis of it…
+╔ = ╬ Parallel or criss-cross lines:
Drawing straight lines shows that you’re honest and get straight to the point.
Criss-crossed lines show that you need some alone time. You want to escape as you’re frustrated and feel like you are suffocating.
~~~~ //// Repetitive shapes:
Drawing the same thing over and over again is meaningless. What you keep on drawing has a meaning. Waves and borders show that you’re methodical, patient and in control but wobbly lines or zigzags can mean you are feeling uncertain, worried or angry.
This kinda got it spot on… Alone time and feel like I’m suffocating from being too busy lately for darn sure… Thankfully I’m letting God take over more and finding my alone time with him even in the midst of never being alone throughout my day… And the uncertain, worried or angry are probably things I let myself feel too much too… Been dealing with these stresses and emotions a lot the last couple of weeks… This was kind of a cool way to connect that I do need to focus on God and not the chaos in my life. For only He is enough to keep me alive. Only he is what gives me life at all, freedom, breath… He is everything.
I wouldn’t even make it through the rest of this sentence if it weren’t for you, Lord! Thank you for teaching me these things lately… Thank you that YOU are always all i need. Always just You, :)
Love this album. Can’t wait to make music like this with amazing people! :)
Let the eyes of my heart see what you see… I’d rather be a beaten down warrior that is fighting the good fight for the faith (1 Timothy 6:12) than a sad, lost hypocrite only trying to accomplish my own selfish desires.
My peaceful, lonely, wonderful, and quiet place. I don’t have to perform in any way or for anyone here. I don’t have to talk. I don’t have to say anything at all to anyone at all. I don’t have to think about anything I don’t want to think about. I don’t have to be anything but alone here. Just myself. Just resting in this place. Letting energy come back to me. Cleansing my mind, my heart. Music here is better than anywhere else. Prayer here is wonderful and so needed. To just be alone. It is such a necessary gift I have been given. My broken heart heals here. My soul sings here. My life is being brought up to new, good life by Jesus here. To be alone.. Here. To be alone, everywhere. It is good. It is so good.
I’m myself again. All the time. And I am thankful beyond a million words and thoughts and songs for it!
I’ll be alone forever if I need to be. Just to be here, and here with You, while I’m here, as me.
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I miss you already.
Yep, maybe one day I’ll know what that feels like…
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